The Beginning Years: I
by phantomoftheopera111
Summary: A complitation of my first few Batman stories.   Stories 1-5 and two bonuses
1. AT LEAST YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO EXPECT

Wow. Ok, I was just never going to add these. They make my eyes bleed. They're just... bad.

The ONLY reason I'm putting them up, is so you guys can have some sort of "back story" as to where all my "madness" began.

So, I came up with a brilliant idea! Instead of uploading them one-by-one, and crying everytime I upload a new one, let's just compile all the pain and suffering... and bad grammar... and God-awful plots... into one big shebang!

So these are for you guys! I truly hope they don't turn you away from the later stories. XD They sort of get better...

Thank you all, and have a lovely read! ... :|

* * *

AT LEAST YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO

* * *

Ivy sighed and glared at the safe. Harley was prancing in the background humming.

"Harl?"

"Yeah Red?"

"Please shut up."

"Sure thing Red," Harley sighed and sat against the safe.

Ivy continued to unlock the safe. She was trying to do this as quickly and quietly as possible. She had the last number, she heard the safe crack and she smiled. She opened it and grabbed the emerald and diamond necklace.

"Yay!" Harley squealed.

Ivy stood up and showed the necklace off to Harley, "Now Harl, you can keep it Sunday to Tuesday and I'll keep it Thursday to Saturday. And then we can share it every Wednesday."

"Sounds good Red!"

The girls walked out of the back room of the jewelry store. Suddenly an alarm sounded.

"Oh damn it. Not now!" Ivy groaned. They ran to the front of the store. There stood Two-Face and the Scarecrow. Two-Face noticed the girls.

"Was that you two who set off the damn alarm!" Two-Face shouted.

Ivy put her hands on her hips, "No. It wasn't. We thought it was you."

"We didn't even have time to look for our item," Scarecrow growled.

"Do you guys know who it was?" Harley asked.

"If we knew we would be telling you now, wouldn't we Harley," Two-Face glared at her.

Harley shrunk behind Ivy. Two-Face growled and headed to the back exit of the store. The rest followed.

"Gotham's finest sure is taking awhile," Scarecrow retorted.

Two-Face kicked in a door and flipped on the light. There stood the Joker.

"Er… hey Two-Face," Joker stumbled.

"Did you trip on the damn alarm!" Harvey grabbed his coat.

"Yeah. I didn't know anyone else was in here."

"Yeah Joker. It's called subtlety!" Scarecrow commented.

"Subtlety my ass," Joker rolled his eyes.

They all heard the sirens coming down the street.

"Shit," Two-Face snarled, "Great Joker, great! Just screw us all over!"

"I don't wanna go ta Arkham!" Harley whined.

"Quiet, do you think any of us do Harl?" Ivy asked.

They heard the front and back doors be kicked in. There was a gas leaking into the room.

"Damn it! Damn it, Damn it, Damn it!" Two-Face covered his nose, everyone followed. Harley fell to the ground. Scarecrow and Two-Face started to run to the front door but fell to their knees. Ivy felt her knees giving out so she gave in and fell to the ground. Joker laughed and tried to run for the back door he made it halfway out and then fell down the steps right to the feet of Commissioner Jim Gordon.

* * *

Harvey woke up to darkness. He knew this place. Damn it. He sat up on his cot and looked through the glass. Arkham. Of all the places, it had to be Arkham. Jack was getting his ass kicked for this one. Damn him. He rubbed his neck and looked in the other cell across the hallway. Pamela Isley. Hmm, could be interesting. Last time it was Jonathan, but he was always yelling about being King of Fear. Two-Face snorted, yeah right. He wondered what the time was, and who else was residing in Arkham, and would he have to do group therapy. Damn it. He hated group therapy. Everyone always teamed up on each other. Pamela and Jack were always at each other's throats. Harley protected her "puddin'". Jonathan was sarcastic. And Two-Face made him flip on every damn thing. At least Jervis and Eddie weren't here. Eddie made everything a damn riddle and Jervis confused real life with Wonderland. Yet, group therapy did have some positive things. It could be horribly entertaining and he'd be out of here within a few days. At least he had something to look forward to.

* * *

Pamela sat up in her cot. She looked across the hallway. Damn it! She was in Arkham. Jack was going to get it. How could Harley sleep with anything like that? It grossed her out. She laid back down. Back to another month or less of disgusting food, doctors, and therapy. She should start thinking of an escape out. She turned to her side and looked into the cell next to her. Harvey Dent. Interesting. Better than Jervis. She needed to get out of there soon. Her plants might need water soon. Most of them were altered to be self watering. But a few special ones needed water. She couldn't believe it. She had lost her necklace. Jack was really going to get it. If any of her babies died Jack wasn't going to be able to talk anymore. Ivy pouted thinking about her plants. She needed to get out of Arkham and be with them. At least she had something to look forward to.

* * *

Harley's dream involved her, puddin', and an engagement ring. She sighed and smiled in her sleep. Then her eyes opened. No. She closed them. Go to sleep. She squeezed her eyes tighter. No! Mista J was just gonna ask her to marry him! NO! She pouted. Her dreams were always ruined. Wait. Where was she? Where was puddin'? Did Red reconstruct her house? If so Red sure had lousy taste. Wait a sec- this wasn't Red's it was Arkham! NO! She whined. Her and puddin' were always separated. It was if they were purposely trying to keep them apart. She hated it. Just a few more weeks until she and Mista J would be free to do whatever they want. She looked across the hallway. Jonathan Crane was there. How boring. She wished it was Red, or puddin'. She giggled, she couldn't wait for free time alone with puddin'. At least she had something to look forward to.

* * *

Jonathan opened his eyes. He tried to go back to sleep. He didn't feel like sleeping anymore. He wasn't tired. How could Jack do something like that? Good lord. The man acted like he was 5. Harvey had insisted they go out and just maybe rob a jewelry store for fun. Innocent and fun. Yeah, Arkham was loads of fun. He was going to get Jack for this. Spray him with the worst fear gas he could possibly make. At least he was away from Jervis. Jervis thought they were best friends. Jonathan couldn't stand his ramblings about Alice, and tea parties, and the Cheshire Cat. At least he was here. He looked across the hallway. Harley Quinn. Great. More ramblings once he got away from one rambler he was stuck with the Joker fanatic. He couldn't wait to get out of there. Away from hours and hours about puddin'. He shuddered. He could only count down the hours until he was out of Arkham. At least he had something to look forward to.

* * *

Jack was staring at the ceiling. He hadn't slept that night. He was too busy planning his next escape. Maybe he'd involve the others. He did screw up everyone's heists. But maybe not. He'd decide later. How could anyone survive without him? How could Batman live without him? Everyone needed him. He smirked. He wondered what time it was. He looked across the hallway to see if someone was in the other cell. Hmm, no one. Maybe Eddie or Jervis would screw something up and end up here. By the time they got here he'd be out. Just a few days until he was out. Then he could continue to give Gotham his special brand of joy. At least he had something to look forward to.

FIN


	2. QUALITY TIME IN ARKHAM

You're very brave if you're still reading this crap. Honestly.

* * *

QUALITY TIME IN ARKHAM

* * *

"Miss Isley, do you have something to share?"

"No."

Dr. Leland sighed, "Each and every one of you has said no to share anything. This is not healthy."

Everyone shrugged. Leland sighed.

"Ok. I'm going to choose someone. Then that someone has to share something," she looked around and stopped at Jonathan, "Professor Crane?"

Jonathan glared and crossed his legs. Harvey yawned and looked at Jack, who was scratching his arm. Half the people in the room had heir arms crossed.

Jonathan sighed, "Why doesn't Joker share?"

Jack looked up, "Why me?"

Two-Face snarled, "'cuz you got us in this dump."

Jack rolled his eyes, "Pooh, you don't mind do you?"

Harley giggled, "Not at all Mista J!"

Ivy sneered, "Pushover."

Harley sniffed, "I am not."

"Yes. You are," Ivy growled.

"No. I'm not."

"Yes. You ARE!"

"No. I'm NOT!"

"YES YOU ARE!" Ivy shouted standing up.

"NO I AM NOT!" Harley yelled back standing.

Leland sighed and wrote something down, "Why don't we talk about relationships?"

Everyone stared at Leland.

"You mean something not related to our childhoods, passage into crime, and hard times in Arkham?" Jonathan asked.

Leland smiled and nodded, "Who wants to share?"

Everyone looked around.

Leland sighed, "Mr. Dent?"

Harvey looked at her, "I was engaged. Happy?"

Leland leaned forward, "Care to continue?"

"Nope."

"Please? What was her name?"

"Gilda."

"How long were you engaged?"

"A year."

"Why did it end?"

Harvey sighed and looked away.

"Harvey?"

"'cuz a me," Two-Face admitted in a growl.

Leland nodded, "She didn't want to be around you anymore?"

"You know I don't have to answer, I'm not officially your patient."

"Then why are you here?"

"Because Bart is boring."

"Don't bad mouth other doctors."

"You think that's bad?" Jonathan asked, "You should hear how much Jack complains about you!"

Leland frowned, "I don't have much to say."

Ivy rolled her eyes, "Good."

"Miss Isley, please share."

Ivy rolled her eyes, "I was in the throw of a passionate love affair with Superman before I was thrown in here."

Harley looked at Ivy, "Really Red?"

"No. I was being sarcastic."

"Oh…"

"Miss Isley?" Leland asked again.

"No passionate love affairs. No marriage. No dating since I was 18. Plants are my life."

Leland nodded, "Professor Crane?"

"I have nothing to share."

"Because that was longer than your no or nothing answers I will let you pass."

Jonathan rolled his eyes.

Leland turned to Harley, "Miss Quinn?"

Harley sighed passionately, "My one and only true love is Mista J."

Jack pinched the bridge of his nose. Leland looked at Jack.

"Mr. Napier, how do you feel about Miss Quinn?"

"She's… alright."

Harley whimpered and sniffed. Jack smiled at her and blew her a kiss. Harley squeaked and giggled. Ivy rolled her eyes.

Leland sighed, "If none of you have anything else to share I suppose you can go back to your cells."

Everyone looked around at each other.

"Nothing?" Leland asked.

Dr. Bartholomew walked into the room and scanned the crowd. Harvey ducked down behind Jonathan.

"There you are!" Bartholomew shouted, "Guards!"

"Damn it," Harvey complained as two guards grabbed her arms. Leland sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. Jonathan sighed as the guards drug Harvey away. Jack waved. Leland stood up.

"Session is over," she announced.

Everyone groaned and stood up. A guard took each by the arms and back to their cells.

Harvey was lying on his back looking up at the ceiling. Ivy sat down on her cot and moped. Harvey looked at her.

"Session over?"

"Yeah," she grumbled.

Harvey nodded. Ivy lay back onto her cot and closed her eyes.

"Do you think that's blood up there?"

Ivy opened her eyes, "Where?"

"Hallway ceiling."

Ivy looked up at the rust colored stains.

"But then how would it get up there?"

Ivy smirked, "Is this what you think about in Arkham."

"Sometimes. I get bored easily."

Ivy smiled and closed her eyes.

* * *

Harvey sighed and sat back into the bench. He was sitting on the second bench in the lunchroom. He didn't feel like hanging out with Jonathan watching TV. They restricted the channels at Arkham, so there was nothing Harvey wanted to watch. He stirred his coffee and sighed. He looked up at the clock on the wall. He heard the two guards blocking the doors talk. Then Poison Ivy was pushed into the room. She sulked to the bench and sat down at Harvey's feet. Harvey looked at her quizzically. She sighed deeply and closed her eyes.

"You alright?" Harvey asked.

Ivy shook her head, "No, no light makes me sick…"

Harvey sighed and handed her his coffee. Ivy looked at him and he nodded. She took the coffee and drank it. Harvey got up and grabbed another cup and filled it up. He sat back down at his bench. He patted the spot next to him. Ivy climbed up and sat next to him.

"Where's Blondie?"

Ivy smirked, "Harley is in her cell. I began gagging so I was thrown out here for some 'light'."

Harvey looked around and took notice of the small window in the middle of the room.

"C'mere," Harvey got up and motioned for her to follow him. He led her to the window and had her sit down. Harvey sat down next to her.

"Feeling better?"

Ivy nodded, "Mmm, I love the sun."

Harvey smiled.

Ivy leaned closer to him, and spoke in a whisper, "Have you heard about 'Papa Joker's Got a Brand New Bag'?"

'Papa Joker's Got a Brand New Bag' was the code the Rogue's were currently using as a codename of an Arkham break out.

Harvey shook his head and leaned closer to her, "What's new?"

"Joker has been coming with new ideas. As far as I know right now Joker is getting us out of this hell hole."

"If he wasn't I'd kick his ass. So separate escapes or group."

"Probably group."

"Ok."

Ivy began coughing and wheezing.

Harvey looked at her, "Arkham really takes a toll on you, doesn't it?"

"Yes…"

Harvey looked at Ivy's arms. He noticed a long gash. Ivy saw his gaze and rolled up her arm sleeve.

"The guards can be rough."

Harvey brushed his fingers above the gash, he looked up at her. Ivy sighed and rolled her sleeve back down.

"Any scars for you?" Ivy asked.

Harvey pulled up his sleeves and showed her his wounds and mumbled, "Tazers hurt like a son of a bitch."

Ivy smiled and rolled up her pant leg, showing off more battle scars. Harvey and Two-face both sneered in disgust. Not even Two-Face would hurt a woman like Batman and the Arkham guards do. It was as bad as Jack and Harley. His eyes scanned her leg and looked back up at her. She was looking distant. Harvey lifted her chin.

Ivy looked at Harvey and Harvey looked back at her. Ivy leaned closer and looked into his mismatched eyes. Harvey looked at her emerald colored eyes. Ivy tilted closer and came close to Harvey's mouth. Harvey was sure she was trying to kiss him. He leaned closer.

The two guards noticed and ran over. They yanked Ivy backwards and kicked Harvey in the other direction. Ivy coughed and curled into a fetal position. She tried to cover herself from the rough hands coming down on her.

Two-Face snarled and pushed himself up; he took what he had left of his coffee and threw it at a guard's face. The coffee scalded the guard's face. Two-Face snickered as one of the guards took his right arm and snapped it in two. Harvey yelped he grabbed for his arm and was hit with something in the back of his neck. He collapsed to the ground and blacked out.

Ivy whined and watched one of the back up guards go to Harvey and elbow him in the neck causing him to go into a deep sleep. Ivy tried to punch a guard in the face but was grabbed by the hair and forced out of the room. Two other watchmen picked up Harvey's body and drug him to him to the infirmary.

* * *

Harvey weakly opened his eyes and moaned. His neck was aching. He tried to move his arm and he yelped. It was broken. He knew for sure. He moaned and lifted his other arm. He looked up and noticed Ivy was sitting in a chair near the door. Ivy gave him a small smile.

"Hi…"

"Uh hey," Harvey tried to sit up and winced.

"I just wanted to make sure you were ok. It looked like you really took a beating. I wanted to thank you for talking to me. It was nice to have an actual conversation with someone besides Harley."

Harvey gave her a half smile, "No problem."

"I have to go. The guards gave me 15 minutes. I'll see you around."

Harvey nodded; Ivy walked over and brushed his thigh.

"Get well soon…"

"Thanks."

Ivy opened the door and two guards grabbed her and led her back to her cell.

"Hi Red!" Harley called from down the hallway.

"Hello Harley," Ivy grumbled.

"Oh Red! When did you get so beaten up?"

"Guards caught me with… someone."

Harley gasped, "Who? Who? Who?"

"Two-Face…"

"Really?"

"Yeah,' Ivy sighed and laid down on her cot.

"Ya know, besides Mista J, Harvey is one of the hottest guys in Arkham."

"Will you just shut up!" Jonathan yelled.

"Shut up straw man!" Harley yelled back.

"Oh God! Just shut up about Joker for one second! I will be eternally grateful if you do!"

Ivy and Harley rolled their eyes.

"If you shut up about being the master of fear I'd be grateful too," Ivy argued back.

"Good God!" Jonathan snapped, "You are insane!"

"HA! That's funny," Harley growled.

"Will all of you shut up?" Jack yelled walking down the hallway.

Harley, Ivy, and Jonathan all gaped.

"How'd you get out?" Jonathan asked.

"Hmmm? Oh. Easy. Knocked out the guards."

"Puddin'! You came through!"

"Course I did. I wasn't gonna leave you all hanging."

He opened Harley's door, then Ivy's. He stopped at Jonathan's.

"I should leave you in here."

"Open the damn door clown."

"Fine, fine, fine!" He opened the door.

"Where's Harv?" Jack asked.

"He's in the infirmary," Ivy replied.

"Ok. Let's split up. Jonathan and I will get Harvey and you girls go get our clothes and weapons. We'll meet up here in five minutes."

Jonathan and Jack walked down the hallway into the infirmary.

"Hello Mr. Dent, we're getting you the hell out of here," Jack laughed.

Harvey winced as he sat up, "How did you get out?"

"I sprayed a couple of doctors, guards, and nurses. We have five minutes."

Jonathan and Jack helped Harvey out of the bed and led him out the door. They met up with the girls and snuck out of Arkham.

Jonathan walked over to a mini van and began keying the door. All five of the Rogues jumped into the car. Jonathan and Jack took the front and Ivy, Harley, and Harvey took the back.

"I think you all owe me a thank you," Jack complained.

"No. We are neutral now. You got us in Arkham, now you got us out. We are neutral," Harvey reasoned.

"God. I hate you."

FIN


	3. IRONY IS A FUNNY THING

Ladies, and the very few gents I have lounging around, you have made it. This is THE very first bloody story I ever wrote. It makes me wince...

* * *

IRONY IS A FUNNY THING

* * *

Two-Face snarled, "Where the hell are they?"

His two henchmen cringed, "Maybe they got lost boss…."  
Two-Face growled and pulled out his coin and began flipping it. This wasn't the first time they were late. The shipments from South America, it was an ancient double headed dog statue. If he didn't steal it now it was going to the Gotham Nation Art Museum. Two-Face kicked a crate.

"Dammit."

"What's wrong Harv?" A seductive voice from behind some crates asked, "Lose your coin?"

Two-Face looked up and pulled out his two guns, "Get out from behind there."

Poison Ivy walked out and put her hands up mockingly.

"Don't shoot." She laughed and lowered her hands.

Two-Face grunted and lowered his guns, "What do ya want?"  
"Hmm? Oh. Just checking to see if my shipment has come yet."

Two-Face smirked, "You too, huh?"

Ivy smiled, "Plant painting from Brazil. Gorgeous and almost extinct. I plan on taking it."

Two-Face laughed, "Good luck with that."

Ivy sat on a crate.

"Mind if I sit here?"

"Not at all. Join in the waiting." They sat in silence for awhile.

"Hmm. I suppose they're not coming."

"Son of a bitch!" Two-Face barked.

Ivy sighed and jumped down from the box, "I'll see you around Harv."

Two-Face looked down into the dark waters. Ivy walked off. One of his henchmen walked over and licked his lips.

"She sure is hot boss."

Two-Face glared at him.

"Ya see them legs?"

Two-Face shoved him off the dock and walked away.

* * *

Ivy stood outside the museum. Analyzing the way in. She smiled. She walked through the door and headed to down the hallway. She stopped in front of a picture of a bunch of extinct plants. She looked around for any guards. She sprayed a mist around the picture looking for any alarms. She slowly made her way to the picture then suddenly the alarms went off. Ivy jumped back triggering the alarms around the picture.

"Dammit." She snatched the painting off the wall and started running down the hallway. She looked down the hallway and saw Harvey running down with a statue of a double headed dog. Harvey stared at her.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Obviously the same as what you're doing. Just a whole lot more subtle."

Harvey snorted, "Yeah, I guess. Where you heading?"

Ivy laughed, "Out the back."

"Sounds good. Let's get the hell outta here."

The two ran towards the back on the museum. Ivy threw some seeds that broke the wall of the museum and they ran through.

"You got transportation?" Harvey asked.

Ivy sighed, "No."

"This way."

"Why?"

"Well, you gotta get outta here; we're both running, why not come with me?"

Ivy thought, "Sure."

They ran down the alley to Harvey's car. They jumped in the back and the car sped off.

"Get whatcha need boss?"

"Yeah."

His henchman grinned at him in the mirror. "And more?" he asked looking at Ivy.

Ivy looked out the window then back to Harvey, "Thanks for saving my ass."

Harvey smiled, "No problem."

Ivy smiled and looked back out the window.

"It must be chance that has brought us together twice this week," Harvey commented.

"I'll say. I usually never see anyone this much on jobs."

"Yeah. Ironic."

"Oh, you can let me off here."

"Pull over," Harvey smiled, "Want me to walk you up?"

Ivy grinned, "I'm a big girl. I can handle."

She got out of the car with her painting.

"See ya around then Ivy."

"Yeah." Ivy waved and turned towards her apartment. Ironic indeed.

* * *

Two-Face stood outside the bank and pulled out the guns. His two henchmen waited for his signal. Two-Face waved his hand and he and his accomplices headed inside. One of them shot up into the air. The other told everyone to freeze and no one would get hurt. Harvey secretly wished deep down that Ivy would show up again today. One of the assistants walked over to the window and handed the clerk a bag.

"Put all the money in the-"

The back wall exploded. Two-Face turned and pointed his gun. A giant vine came twisting through the wall. Ivy followed. Ivy looked at Harvey and he returned her gaze.

"I see you beat me."

"I suppose," he turned to his supporters, "What are you looking at? Get back to work!"

Ivy walked over to another window and had the clerk fill up her bag. She turned to Harvey.

Harvey grinned his winning D.A. smile, "Need a lift?"

Ivy smiled, "Sure."

The two headed out the front just as they saw the cop lights coming. They jumped into the back.

"Drive," Harvey ordered. The car sped off down a back alley, escaping the cops.

Ivy sighed, "Twice Harv. Ironic, hmm?"

Harvey stared at her, "You think I'm doing this on purpose?"

"Well, you have saved me twice."

"I would have preferred our meetings to be even if I was planning this. I thought you were doing it on purpose."

"No…"

The two sat in silence.

Ivy sighed, "Great minds think alike."

Harvey laughed.

Ivy looked at Harvey, she smiled. He had beautiful features… even though Two-Face's side was horrible. But from here she could only see the good side. She looked away.

Harvey was first to break the silence, "You get dropped off here?"

Ivy looked out the window, "Yep."

Harvey looked at her, "Want me to walk you up?"

Ivy thought for a second, "Sure, why not?"

Harvey got out and walked over to Ivy's side of the car; he opened the door and helped her out. Ivy blushed and clutched her green purse full of money. She and Harvey walked up to her apartment room. Harvey looked at her room number. 222. This was scary ironic. Ivy got out her key and opened the door.

"Want to come inside?"

"Maybe another time. I have to get back to the boys."

"Maybe, I'll see you again?" Ivy asked.

"Yeah," Harvey smiled.

Ivy looked at Harvey and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you Harvey."

He kissed her cheek back, "Don't mention it."

FIN


	4. LILIES, ROSES, AND SNOW

The only thing keeping me sane while putting these... beloved novelettes up... is Peter Criss' drumming. "100,000 Years". KISS. It's nice.

* * *

LILIES, ROSES, AND SNOW

* * *

Jack was hanging upside down off Harvey's couch and Jonathan was sitting on the couch. Harvey was sitting on the floor. Harvey sighed. Jonathan looked at him.  
"Why don't you just ask her out?"

Harvey snorted, "Yeah I can imagine it now. Hey Ivy, wanna go rob a bank? Yep. Great idea Jonathan."

Jonathan sighed, "Jack, kick him for me."

Jack punched Harvey in the arm, "That's for being difficult."

Harvey stared at him, "Why are you here?"

"Where there's mocking there's me."

"Whatever. What do I do?"

Jonathan shrugged, "Figure it out Harv."

"Yep, that's real helpful. Jack?"

"Sorry Harv, I don't have to even try to get Harley on me like a rabid bunny."

Jonathan and Harvey just stared at him, "A rabid, rabid, rabid bunny. Oh so rabid."

Harvey and Jonathan just stared at him.

"I really don't care Jack," Harvey mumbled.

Jonathan sighed, "Harvey just ask her out. You don't have to be romantic, because God forbid if Two-Face had to show any sign ok kindness, the world would end."

Two-Face snarled, "Shut it."

Harvey sighed, "Fine. Should I call her?"

"Nope. Just hang out until she calls you," Jack sighed, "I'm getting a headache." He got up from the couch and headed into the kitchen of the abandoned house.

Harvey glared at him, "Why is he so difficult."

"I know you are but what am I?" Jack shouted from the kitchen.

Jonathan sighed; they could be so immature sometimes.

"Just call her Harvey."

"I don't think I can. I mean it's not someone normal, it's Poison Ivy."

Jack walked back from the kitchen with a sandwich. Harvey stared at him.

"Yes Jack, feel free to look in my fridge for my food."

"Oh I already helped myself. Thank you anyway."

"I want a sandwich…" Jonathan whined.

"Shut your mouth. Where the hell did you get that sandwich?" growled Harvey.

"I made it. Wanna bite?"

"Yeah." Harvey took the sandwich and took two giant bites out of it.

"Goddamit Harvey. You're an ass."

"I know you are but what am I?"

"You're both a pain in the ass, "Jonathan mumbled.

Jack snickered, "Funny Jonathan. Truth or dare Harvey?"

Harvey flipped his coin, "Dare."

"Call her." He threw Harvey his cell phone.

"Uh what the hell were you doing with my phone?"

"Checking your messages. Sexay."

"Shut the hell up."

Jonathan and Jack laughed.

"Just call her Harv."

"Shit. Fine." He opened his cell phone and dialed Ivy's number.

* * *

Ivy was lying on her couch watching a gardening show on the TV. She sighed, there was nothing on. She rolled onto her stomach and stroked the petals of her blue orchid. Her phone began to ring. She checked the caller ID. Harvey? She felt a tinge of excitement. She opened her phone.

"Hello?"

"Um, hey Ivy."

"Hello Harvey."

"Um, are you doing anything tomorrow?"

Ivy stifled her giggle, "No I am not."

"Um maybe do you want to go have dinner with me?"

"Yes, I would love to."

"Give me a second." Ivy could hear him talking to someone in the background. Probably Jack and Jonathan. She could hear cheering.

"Alright, so how about I pick you up at 6:00?"

"Sounds good."

"Alright, talk to you later."

"Bye Harvey." She shut her phone and giggled. She couldn't wait. She wanted to tell Harley, but Harley was such a blabber mouth and would probably tell everyone.

"This is one secret I'll have to keep from her."

* * *

Harvey sighed. This would be his first real date in ages. It was 5:46 and he was in the car driving to Ivy's house. Why did he feel so nervous? He wondered if Ivy felt sick. He sighed and kept driving. Why did he agree to this? Jack was gonna get his ass kicked next time Harvey saw him. He pulled over in front of Ivy's apartment complex. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Dammit. He got out of the car. This was almost unbearable. He pressed the button to Ivy's room. 222. He smirked.

* * *

Ivy sat on her bed frustrated. She wished Harley was there. It was 5:33 and she had no clue what she was going to wear on her date. She pulled out a red dress and a green dress and threw them on her bed. She pulled out a green blouse and a black skirt and tossed it onto her bed. She moaned. Why was this so difficult? She pulled out a red blouse and a blue one. She stood in front of her mirror and held up the red dress then the green one and tossed them to the floor. She grabbed her black skirt and red blouse; she let the blouse fall to the ground. She picked up the green blouse and sighed. Dammit. She picked up the red dress again.

"This will have to do."

She stripped down and slipped the dress on. She ruffled her hair a bit. Her hair never needed any styling. Damn. She was nervous. She checked the time. It was now 5:50. She headed to the bathroom and put on some eye shadow and mascara. She found a perfect shade of lipstick and put it on. She started having second thoughts about her hair. Should she put it up or down? Her doorbell rang. She bit her lip and headed to the door, she pressed the open door button. She began pacing. She was stopped by a knock at her door. She answered.

* * *

Harvey bit his lip as he walked up the steps. He reached Ivy's door and knocked on it. She opened the door.

"Hey Ivy."

"Please, call me Pam." She smiled.

"Alright. Oh, here I brought you these. They aren't dead or anything," he handed her a pot of lilies.

"Oh Harvey… they're beautiful, I'm going to put them on my counter. Come in please."

Harvey walked in and was amazed at how many plants she had fit into the apartment. He followed her into the kitchen.  
She smiled at him, "You nervous?"

Harvey laughed, "Uh... yeah I guess."

She smiled and put her hand on his arm, "I don't bite."

He grinned.

"So… what do you have planned?"

"Secret."

"Great. I love secrets," she rolled her eyes.

"Shall we go?"

"Yes, let me get my purse."

They walked out of the apartment together and hailed a cab. They got in and Harvey gave the driver the address.

Ivy smiled at him.

Harvey laughed, "Forgot to tell you, you look very nice."

Ivy blushed, "Thank you. You look very handsome. I was distracted by the lilies."

"I was distracted by your apartment. Never knew how many plants could fit into one room."

"Oh yeah. I had more when I lived in a house, but when my house got blown up I lost most of my plants. So now I have just a few."

"That's good you got a few back."

"Yeah. Do you like plants or flowers?"

"Yeah, not as much as you," he smiled, "But yeah, I like them."

Ivy smiled, "What is your favorite?"

"Um, lilies."

"Yes, lilies are beautiful."

"What's your favorite?"

"Red roses and white lilies."

"Roses are nice."

Ivy smiled, this wasn't so bad. It was nice to be out with someone else, not just Harley or Selina. The driver pulled over and Harvey paid him. He helped Ivy out. Ivy took Harvey's arm and looked at the building. The Rose Café.

"Now, it doesn't look like too much from the outside, but the food is great."

"Previous date?"

"No. Not unless you count Jack taking me out for dinner."

Ivy giggled, "Forcefully?"

"As always," he laughed. They walked in and were seated immediately in the very back corner. They ordered and began talking again.

"You and Jack have an interesting relationship."  
"Yeah. We do. One minute we can be joking around and the next we're beating each other senseless." Ivy looked around. They were far away from every other person in the room.

Harvey noticed, "Sorry we have to be placed so far back. It's just Two-Face gets annoyed if people stare for a longtime. He's such a drama queen." Two-Face's side glared.

Ivy placed her hand on Harvey's, "It's ok. I don't mind. It's nice. It's like we have the restaurant to ourselves."

Harvey smiled, "Alright."

Ivy sighed, "I'm sorry, I have to ask."

"Go for it."

"Two-Face is his own person right? I'm still confused."

"Yes. Two-Face is his own person. We're two separate people sharing one body. Two-Face has the harsher feelings, I have the nicer ones." He shrugged, "We're a basket case."

Ivy laughed, "Thank you for clearing that up."

"No problem."

"Thank you Harvey."

"For what?"

"For um… asking me out. I was afraid you weren't going to."

"I was afraid you wouldn't go. Jack had to force me to call. I was nervous."

"I haven't been on a date for ever."

"Same here. I think I've lost it."

"If you're talking about you charms think again."

Harvey grinned, "Thanks. You really do look nice."

Ivy blushed, "You're too kind. I changed my outfit about five times."

"You look great."

"Um, do you think we'll go on a date again?"

Harvey laughed, "Already thinking ahead? I thought after one you'd be sick of me."

Ivy shrugged, "You're easy to talk to."

"I'm up for date two if you are."

"I'll plan for it."

"We gonna take turns?"

"I'm not that creative. Maybe I'll do a few."

"A few? Planning something?"

Ivy grinned, "Perhaps…"

Their food arrived. They continued to talk throughout the meal. Harvey paid the tab and they got up and left. There were many stares from people who recognized them as Two-Face and Poison Ivy.

Ivy huddled closer to Harvey. It was always so freezing during December in Gotham. Harvey put his arm around her. They walked over to Robinson Park. They sat on a bench in front of the giant water fountain that in the spring you could put your feet in. Ivy scooted closer to Harvey.

"I can't believe how cold it is."

"It's crazy. Just wait for the snow."

"I'm from Seattle, I'm used to rain and cold."

"I'm from Gotham. Used to this weather all my life."

They sat in silence looking up at the stars.

Ivy broke the silence, "How do you think the other Rogues will react to us?"

"I don't know. Jack and Jonathan know. Does Harley or Selina know?"

"No. I didn't know if this was going to be serious or not."

"Ah. You gonna tell them?"

"Eventually I'll have to. What do you do in your spare time exactly?"

Harvey laughed, "What brought that up?"

"Harl and I try to guess what the guy Rogues do in their spare time. We can't figure you out."

"Ok, well I'm on the computer a lot messaging Jack or Jonathan. I draw when I get influenced, read, sleep, plan for the next crime. I'm not too exciting. Jack keeps me busy."

"Hell, I'm not exciting either. I spend most of my time with my plants. Can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah."

"What does Jonathan wear? Boxers or Briefs?"

Harvey laughed, "Sorry Pam, that's classified."

"Dammit."

"Another quest of yours and Harleys?"

"Yeah." He laughed and put his arms around Ivy.

Ivy fell back onto Harvey. Harvey smiled. Ivy looked at the time on Harvey's watch. 8:47. This night was going very well.

"You have a time you have to be home?" Harvey whispered in her ear.

"Hmmm? No. I don't really want the night to end. I'm having fun."

"Sitting here in the cold? Yeah… that's fun."

"You're warm." She snuggled closer to Harvey.

"How 'bout we get up?"

"And ruin this wonderful freezing moment?" Ivy laughed, "Sure."

They got up and started walking towards the main street. Ivy hailed a cab.

"Want to come over to my house for coffee?"

"Why not?"

They got into the cab and drove to Ivy's apartment. They got out and walked up to her flat.

"Go ahead and sit on the couch. I'll get the coffee started." Ivy walked into the kitchen.

She started brewing a pot of coffee. She looked at her lilies and smiled. She smelled them. She walked back out to the living room and sat next to Harvey.

"I had a lot of fun tonight," Ivy smiled.

"Me too. Thanks for coming."

"You free tomorrow?"

Harvey grinned, "Yes. I am free tomorrow."

"Does noon-ish work for you?"

"Lunch? Yeah."

"Alright good. Be right back." Ivy got up and poured two cups of coffee. She walked back and handed a cup to Harvey.  
"Thanks."

Ivy smiled and sat down.

"Can I ask you another question?"

"You're full of 'em. Go for it."

"Did you ask me to go out with you because I sprayed some pheromones on you?"

Harvey shook his head, "No Pam. Your sprayed you pheromones on me after I decided to ask you out."

Ivy smiled, "Good."

Harvey looked at his watch.

"Shit. I'm so sorry. I forgot Jonathan and Jack we taking me out at 9:00."

"Oh that's ok. I had a great night."

Harvey handed her the cup.

"Tomorrow at noon?"

"Yep."

"I can't wait," Harvey smiled. He leaned forward and kissed her cheek.

Ivy put the cup down and wrapped her arms around his waist. She leaned up and kissed him on the lips, "Neither can I." They kissed again.

FIN


	5. WHAT I CAN PROMISE YOU

I'm not even reading these things as I put them up. I write my summary/thoughts up here, then skip through looking for breaks.

* * *

WHAT I CAN PROMISE YOU

* * *

Ivy sighed and looked into her vanity. This would be her and Harvey's fourth date. She still hadn't told anyone about them. She had told him she would. Ivy pouted. She grabbed her hairbrush and began to rapidly brush her hair. She pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes. She knew she would have to face the truth sometime. She would have to tell Harvey. He wasn't going to be too happy about this. How would he react? Would he stop talking to her? She didn't want to mess this up, but she had to tell him. Ivy looked into the mirror. She pulled a hair off her green dress. Her door bell buzzed. She got up and pressed the button. She checked her reflection again and grabbed her purse. A knock came from the door, she opened. Harvey grinned.

"Hey Pammy. You look beautiful, as always." He handed her a potted plant of roses. Ivy smiled and kissed his cheek.

"These roses are lovely. Thank you."

"So, what do you want to do tonight?"

"Dinner and we need to talk."

"Uh oh…"

Ivy smiled sadly.

Harvey put his hands on her shoulders, "The suspense is killing me, and I don't think I can wait until after dinner."

Ivy sighed and took Harvey's hands. She pulled him to the couch and they sat down. She looked down at her shoes. Harvey lifted her chin to look at her face.

"What's wrong Pammy?"

"Harvey, you know I'm not like everyone else. You know I am part plant. You know the first man I loved did this to me." She showed him her arm. Harvey looked closer and saw instead of blue veins she had dark green veins. Instead of peach colored skin, she had a slight green tinge. He looked at her sadly.

"So… where are you going with this?"

"Harvey. I think you're really nice. But I don't want to be hurt again." She looked down to the floor.

"Pammy…" Harvey sighed, he lifted her chin. She had tears welling up in her eyes.

"I think it's best if we just break it off. I'm really sorry. I'm not the relationship kind of girl. Love is Harley's thing. I'm… I'm… I'm incapable of loving. I'm sorry."

Harvey sighed and looked at the floor.

Ivy sniffed and wiped the tears from her face. She got up.

"I guess our date it off," Ivy sniffed.

Harvey got up and smiled sadly, "Night Pam." He put his hand on her shoulder and left.

Ivy sunk door against the door and buried her face in her hands. She began to cry.

* * *

Ivy's phone buzzed. She looked at it from the couch. It was Harley. She flipped the phone open.

"Yeah?" Her voice cracked.

"Red? My God! I haven't been able to reach you for five days! Where have you been?"

"I suppose I've just felt a little under the weather."

"You sound awful…"

"Yeah."

"Do ya need me to come over?"

"That's alright. I can take care of myself."

"Kitty and I will come over whenever you need us. We're your friends Red, we do care."

"Thanks Harl."

"I'll let you rest, talk to you later."

"Yeah."

She sniffed. It had been five days since she ended it with Harvey. She hadn't been out of the house and was starting to feel cabin fever. She hadn't heard from anyone. She had been avoiding calls from Selina and Harley. She didn't feel like anything anymore. She felt like she lost something. She wondered how Harvey was. She couldn't believe how much this was affecting her. It was just a man. She didn't do love. She even told him that. But then what was this feeling? There was no way it was… could it be? Did she love Harvey? Maybe she'd give it another shot… Maybe tomorrow… If she felt like it… Maybe tomorrow she'd go to Harvey's and try again…

* * *

Harvey was lying on the couch watching TV. Jack walked in the front door.

"Feel free to come in," Two-Face growled.

"Thanks. How you doing?"

"I'm so far from being ok, I can't even see it."

Jack smirked, "Course you are."

"Any news of her?"

"Harley finally got a hold of her today."

"And?"

"And she surprisingly sounded God awful. Harley said she must be really sick."

"She hasn't told Harley yet I presume?"

"Harley has no clue."

Jonathan knocked on the door frame, "Door's open."

"Gee Jack, thanks for shutting my door. Dumb ass."

"Yeah, I have skill that way."

Jonathan sat down in a chair, "How are you feeling?"

"Half dead, half dying."

Jack sat on the floor, "I brought you some chocolate."

Harvey smiled.

"It helps Harley when she's feeling down."

"Thanks guys."

Jack laughed, "You ever gonna get up?"

"Maybe. If I feel like it."

"Want to do something, because I'm hella bored. All Harley thinks about is Ivy. She thinks she's dying or something."

"Want to get coffee?"

"I could go for coffee," Jonathan agreed.

"Let me go take a shower and we can go. I can't believe I'm being forced out of the house."

Jack laughed, "We love you. Well maybe I don't love you that much, but Jonathan really loves you."

Jonathan smacked him upside the head. Harvey laughed and headed towards the bathroom.

* * *

Ivy sighed and sat in front of her vanity. She brushed her hair, pulling out the knots. She had never let herself go for more than two days. It had been six. She looked into her closet and pulled out a black sleeveless mini dress. She wasn't in the mood for playing dress up. She slipped on the dress and shook her hair. She smiled sadly in the mirror. She couldn't believe she was doing this. She grabbed her purse and headed downstairs to hail a cab. She got in and gave the driver the address. She had had this driver twice before; on dates with Harvey. The driver smiled at her.

"Another date?"

"No. We broke up. I have to go apologize."

"Ah. I wish ya luck."

"Thanks." She looked out the window. She started playing with her hair again. The driver reached the abandoned house where Harvey lived. She paid the driver and got out. She slowly walked to the door. She raised her hand to knock but lowered it. Why was she here? She started to walk off when she heard the door open.

"You look beautiful. Where you going?"

Ivy stopped in her tracks and turned around. Harvey stood in the doorway leaning against the frame.

"I was coming to see you, but now I'm having second thoughts."

"Ah," He noticed her shiver, "You wanna come in? Nice dress, but bad choice for this weather."

"Yeah. I realized that as soon as I left the house." She walked into Harvey's house. He shut the door.

"I want to talk Harvey."

"I thought we already did."

"Yeah but… I don't feel… I want…"

Harvey cocked his head, "Yes…?"

"Harvey, I wanted to come over and apologize."

"Alright."

"I want you to know that ever since I broke up with you I have been miserable. I haven't been the same. I…I…I…"

She looked down.

Harvey lifted her chin, "Yes?"

"I miss you." Tears began to well in her eyes again.

Harvey sighed and put his arms around her.

"Pammy, I miss you too. I know how you feel. Kind of…"

"I'm sorry for what I said. But how do I know you won't do something to me?"

"Pammy, I can't promise I'll never hurt you, I can't promise you that you'll always be happy. But I can promise you that I will always be here for you when you need me. That I can promise you."

Ivy threw her arms around him, "Thank you. I… I…I…"

Harvey smiled and kissed her hair, "You, you, you?"

"I love you, Harvey."

"I love you too, Pammy." He pulled her over to the couch and pushed her down.

"Harvey Dent. What are you doing?"

"Making it up to you," he responded kissing her neck.

"Oh?"

"We have lost time we must make up."

Ivy smiled and pulled him on top of her. She kissed him on the lips, "Whatever you say… sexy."

Harvey laughed, "I get a nickname?"

"Unless you want me to call you Two-Face."

"Sexy will do."

"Good," Ivy put her arms around Harvey's neck and pulled him down another kiss.

"I love you."

"Same here," he nuzzled her neck, "Damn. Look at the snow."

"Guess I'm going to have to camp here tonight."

"I don't mind. It's late isn't it?"

"Yeah. It is."

"I'm kind of tired."

"Very subtle Pammy."

"Subtlety isn't my forte."

Harvey laughed and pulled Ivy off the couch. He led her to the bedroom.

"So Harvey, you up for another date tomorrow?"

"Always am."

FIN


	6. IT'S JUST LUCK

This one isn't as bad. It starts off... decent. Then it slides into blagh.

* * *

IT'S JUST LUCK

* * *

"Dammit!" Jack threw the plastic cup across the room.

Harvey lowered his paper, "What now?"

Jack crossed his arms and sat back in his chair.

Harvey sighed, "What is it now Jack?"

"Ok, remember at the party how Selina put that plastic cup on the side of the table and then flipped it up with one finger and got it to land perfectly upright?"

"Yes…"

"How did she do it?"

"It's luck. 50/50 chance. Fate. Coincidence. I'm very familiar with the subject."

Jack grabbed the cup, "Alright smart ass. You do it."

He handed the cup to Harvey, "Pay attention."

Harvey put the cup on the side of the table and using one finger flipped the cup and had it land right side up. Jack shot up, knocking his chair over.

"SON OF A BITCH!"

Harvey shrugged, "Luck."

Jack pulled his chair back up and sunk back into it, "I bet you cheated."

Harvey raised his paper, "Yeah. I totally cheated."

"Can we go do something?"

"Like…?"

"Like go bug Jonathan. Or something?"

Harvey checked his watch, "Sure."

"Sweet!" Jack jumped up and pulled his shoes on.

Harvey folded his paper slowly and got up even slower.

"Oh come on!"

Harvey smirked, "Take time Jack. Smell the roses."

"You're being slow on purpose. Meet you there."

"Wait for me! I'm not paying for my own cab!" Harvey slipped his shoes on and ran outside. Jack hailed a cab. They jumped in.

* * *

Jonathan lived in an apartment that he normally shared with Jervis. But ever since he started dating Alice, Jervis had his own apartment. There was only so much talk of Alice in Wonderland that Jonathan could stand. So currently, Jonathan had the apartment to himself. Jonathan was sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee. He heard a knock on his door. He got up and walked to the door and opened it as far as the lock chain would let him. Jack grinned from outside the door.

"Go home Jack."

"Aww, why Jonny?" Jack pulled Harvey in front of the door, "I brought Harvey."

"God." He shut the door and pulled out the chain and opened the door again.

Jack ran to the couch and sat down. He put his feet on the coffee table.

"Feet OFF the table." Jack pulled his feet off the table and put them on the couch.

"So… what we gonna do today Jonny?"

"Uh let's see, get you to go home."

"That's not very fun."

Harvey pushed Jack's legs off the couch and sat down, "I like that idea."

Jack kicked Harvey, "No one asked you."

Jonathan growled, "Did you guys just come over so I could hear you argue?"

Jack shook his head, "I'm bored and Harvey's not very entertaining. Unless he argues with Two-Face. Now that's fun to watch."

Two-Face growled at Jack. Jack squeaked and rolled off the couch. Jack sat on the ground. Jonathan sat on the couch. He turned to Harvey.

"So…?"

"So what?" Harvey asked.

"So I heard Ivy spent the night last night."

Jack jumped back on the couch, "Seriously!"

Jonathan pushed him off the couch, "You're the one who told me dumb ass."

"Oh right… I did."

Harvey glared at Jack, "I can't tell you anything, can I?"

"Mmmmmm," Jack thought, "No."

"Off topic," Jonathan complained.

Jack turned to face him, "Why do you care?"

"Yeah, it's usually Jack ass who wants to know all the raunchy details."

"Yeah, it's usually me."

"So what? I'm not allowed to ask?" Jonathan exclaimed.

"No. You are the mature person. I'm the immature person. So Harv," he shoved Jonathan off the couch, "What did happen?"

Harvey moved away from Jack, "Why do I have to tell you? I don't ask you about your love life."

"I'll tell you if you want. I'll tell you EVERYTHING."

"No! No! No!" Jonathan burst in, "Wrong Jack! Filter it!"

"See? Why did you want to know about my life in the first place?" Harvey piped in.

"Shut up Dent!"

Harvey put his arms up in surrender.

"At least we have girlfriends," Jack replied, "People don't question me if I'm gay. Or Harvey."

"That's it. Jack, get the hell out of my house!"

"You are overreacting!"

"No! I've been pushed too far!"

"I'll say!" Jack got up.

Jonathan stood up. He towered over Jack by at least a foot.

Harvey sighed, "Jonathan relax. Jack, shut the hell up."

Jonathan sat back down.

Jack growled and sat on the floor.

"You guys have so much anger," Harvey joked.

"You're one to talk Harvey…. and Two-Face! So can we do something?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, feel free to go home," Jonathan retorted.

Harvey cleared his throat and gave them a stern look.

Jack grinned, "Question?"

"What?"

"Did you guys sleep together?"

Harvey sighed, "If I tell you will you shut up?"

"Yes."

"Fine. Pammy came over, apologized, and then she got snowed in."

"And then?"

"And then we slept together."

"Wow," Jack murmured.

"Amazing," Jonathan agreed.

"Like what do you mean by sleep with each other?" Jack asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Like did you sleep together or 'sleep' together?"

Harvey cocked his head, "What?"

Jonathan rolled his eyes, "Did you guys have sex?"

Harvey bit his lip, "Yeah."

Jack and Jonathan started laughing. Harvey sighed.

"Damn, good for you Dent," Jack nodded.

Harvey sighed, "Yeah."

"Oh that reminds me! Jonathan!"

"What?" Jonathan asked.

"Do you have a plastic cup?"

"Uh… yeah. Why?"

"Go get it!" Jack yelled.

Jonathan sighed. He got up and headed into the kitchen, Jack and Harvey followed. Jonathan opened a cup board and grabbed a bag of plastic cups.

"Here."

Jack took a cup and put it on the edge of the counter.

"Remember the thing Selina did with the cup how she flipped it with her finger and it landed right side up?"

"Yeah."

"Can you do it?"

"Well, it's luck."

"Dammit! You sound like Harvey!"

Harvey smirked, "Told ya Jack. It's luck."

Jonathan flipped the cup and it landed up right, "Guess I'm lucky."

"WHAT THE HELL! Why can EVERYONE do it but me?"

"Guess fate just hates you."

Jack flipped the cup and it rolled off the table. "God dammit." Jack stepped on the cup.

"I hate you freaking cup."

They were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Door! Door! Door!" Jack ran to the door, jumping up and down.

"He's like a freaking puppy," Jonathan grumbled.

"The freaking puppy you want to kick," Harvey muttered. Jonathan laughed.

Jonathan opened the door. Harvey grabbed Jack by his collar and threw him to the floor.

"Down boy!" Harvey commanded.

"Hey! I wanted to open the door," Jack whined.

Jervis and Eddie walked in.

"Hey guys," Jonathan acknowledged.

"I didn't know Harvey and Jack were going to be here," Eddie responded.

"Yeah me either," Harvey walked off and grabbed Jack's leg.

"What the hell!" Harvey pulled Jack by his leg to the kitchen. Making him go up four steps.

"Harvey! I'm losing my pants!"

Jervis, Eddie, and Jonathan followed them to the kitchen.

They all took a seat at the counter. Except for Jack, who got to sit on the floor.

"Harvey can I sit on your lap? The floor is so uncomfortable," Jack whined.

"No. Suck it up Jack."

Jack stuck his tongue out at Harvey.

"So what are you guys doing here," Jervis asked.

"Jack wanted to see if Jonathan could do that cup trick Selina could do," Harvey responded.

"Oh," Eddie picked grabbed a new plastic cup and set it on the side of the table, "This?" He flipped the cup and it landed perfectly.

"You guys are all jerks. You know that? Tell me the goddamn trick!" Jack yelled.

"What trick clown?" Eddie asked, "There's no trick just-"

"Yeah, yeah, just luck. I know!" Jack interrupted.

"I was going to say chance."

Jack glared at him, causing him to sink into his chair.

"I don't believe in chance."

Harvey cleared his throat, "I'll make you believe."

"Scary. Why did the cup land perfectly for all you guys?"

"I haven't tried yet," Jervis piped in.

Jack handed him the cup. He flipped the cup.

"Yep. With all the goddamn luck in the world it landed perfectly. Go friggin' figure."

Harvey patted him on the back, "It's ok you're a failure. I'm sure Harley still loves you." Everyone laughed.

"Yep, that makes me feel great. All warm and bubbly," Jack moaned.

"You guys want to hit the Iceberg?" Eddie asked, "It's why Jervis and I came over."

"I could do with some alcohol right now," Jack whined.

Harvey smirked, "Let's bring Selina and have her show you that trick again."

"I bet you're gay," Jack stuck his tongue out at Harvey.

Two-Face punched him in the arm, "At least I don't paint my toenails."

Jonathan sighed, "You two are hopeless."

They all got up and headed out the door.

"Anyone got a leash?" Harvey teased, "Oh wait, Jack, they don't allow animals in the Iceberg."

"You should know," Jack smirked.

Harvey glared at him.

Jonathan grabbed both of them by their coat collars and dragged them to the cab, "Get your asses in there."

"Yes sir," they both whispered. Harvey, Jack, and Jonathan all got into one cab and Jervis and Eddie got into

"How have you two managed to be friends for this long?" Jonathan asked.

Harvey shrugged, "Don't know, and don't care."

Jack smirked, "It's just luck, I suppose."

Harvey laughed and patted Jack on the shoulder, "That's where you're lucky."

"Yeah, you're lucky you have a wonderful friend like me."

"You just ruined that moment, but I'm gonna let it slide and kick your ass later."

"That just translates to me as I love you Jack."

Harvey smirked, "Sure, whatever."

FIN


	7. CHRISTMAS

Ok. By this point, I need music to get my spirits up. Princess and the Frog soundtrack. Hot damn.

Last one of this joyous little collage. Check for later collections. I'm gonna be posting like 5 more. :|

I know. You're excited.

* * *

CHRISTMAS

* * *

Ivy's phone began to ring.

"Oh what the hell is it now?" Ivy rolled off of Harvey and glared at her phone. Harvey rolled on to his stomach and muttered.

"Why does everyone call you so early?"

"I don't know." She sighed and picked up her phone and answered it.

"What?"

Harvey laughed into his pillow, "So lady-like."

Ivy pinched his side. Harvey shot up and rubbed his side.

"Son of a bitch…"

Ivy smiled and kissed his shoulder.

"Red!"  
"Harley stop calling me so damn early."

Harvey laid back down. Ivy kneed him in the side and mouthed the words 'I'm not finished with you'. Harvey pouted.

"Harley what do you want?"

"Oh Red! Have you already forgotten what day it is?"

"Yes."

"Christmas?"

"Shit." She covered the phone, "Harvey, its Christmas."

Harvey nodded, "I know."

"Damn."

"So Red, are ya still coming over?"

"Um, yeah. I don't feel too good right now. I'll see if I can get over later."

"Alright talk to ya later Red!"

"Bye Harl."

Harvey sat up and put his arm around her shoulders. He kissed her cheek.

"Merry Christmas babe."

Ivy snuggled closer to him, "You didn't get me anything did you?'

Harvey looked at her, "You're nuts. Of course I got you something."

"Harvey…" Ivy whined, "We said we weren't going to do gifts."

"Correction, you said that," Harvey grinned.

Ivy frowned, "I hate you. You make me look bad."

He kissed her forehead, "Want me to get your gift?"

"No. Take it back. If you show me now I might want it and won't be able to return it."

"The hell you're going to return it. I actually spent money on it."

"That's good."

"I'm going to get it." Harvey got out of bed and reached into his coat pocket. He pulled out a small gift.

"C'mon Pammy. You know you want to see it." Harvey waved the present in her face.

"Dammit." She grabbed it from him. Harvey got back in bed and rested his head on her leg.

"You know I still hate you for doing this, right?"

"Your hate for me is a fiery burning passion," Harvey joked rubbing her leg.

"I don't want to open it. You do it."

"No. I bought it for you."

Ivy whined and took the bow off the present.

"Come here Harvey."

Harvey looked at her. "You gonna hurt me?" he joked.

Ivy laughed, "Come here."

Harvey sat up and moved to Ivy's side. She put the bow on his head.

"Hold that for me."

"Of course."

Ivy sighed, "Harvey you really shouldn't have."

"You haven't opened the gift yet and you're saying that? Just open the damn thing Pammy."

"Fine." She ripped off the wrapping paper. Inside was a box labeled Kay.

"No Harvey. No!" She handed him the box.

"You're not used to receiving gifts, are you?"

"Not when they're from Kay.

"Pammy, I just used the box as a disguise; the real gift isn't from Kay. Don't worry."

"Ok then," she took the present back and slowly opened the box. Inside was a pair of two-stoned diamond stud earrings.

"Oh Harvey…"

He smiled, "Do you like them?"

"I love them. They're beautiful," she threw her arms around him, "Thank you so much!"

"You deserve them."

Ivy kissed him, "Thank you Harvey. Wait a sec… you did lie to me!"

Harvey shrugged, "You wouldn't have taken them if I didn't."

"You're right. But I do love them. I'm going to wear them." Ivy put them in.

"How do you and Harley celebrate Christmas?"

"I go over to her place and we get drunk. Do you, Jack, and Jonathan do anything?"

"Jack said he didn't want to go get drunk this year at bars so we're all bringing alcohol and getting drunk at his house."

"So then we can get drunk together?"

"Yes we can."

Ivy giggled, "Fun. Should we get ready to go?"

"Yeah."

Ivy kissed Harvey again, "Thank you sexay."

Harvey smiled and kissed her again, "Merry Christmas babe."

FIN


End file.
